Dudes With Animal Names Panini

Nothing fills up a girl's belly, and loins, like melted sexiness on an oven toasted piece of hotness, especially when it allows a girl to scream out animal names in the throes of passion. If I was gonna be ironed in a panini of animal-named gorgeousness, there's only one man who can do the job...and that man is Bear Grylls.



I love this man. I love him so much it makes my bones cry, and they don't even have tear ducts to make that possible. People try to say he's not as awesome as Survivorman Les Stroud just because he goes out to the wilderness with a camera crew. To that, I say "Erroneous!" Grylls is beautiful and hardcore and English and does crazy ass shit like eat a raw dead zebra. Any guy willing to do this....



...is worth his weight in amazingness. I want to lick the zebra juice off his face.

I was trying to think of other animal named dudes to share in the Bear Grylls manwich of hotness. My co-worker and I compiled a list of possibilities which include:

Tiger Woods - A worthy choice, but his super white chompers put me off.
Katt Williams - Dresses like a baby pimp and would call me "bitch" like non-stop, so no.
Robin Williams - Technically an animal name, but realistically actually looks like an animal. The man is harrier than Bigfoot, and he's annoying.
Robin Thicke - High pitched falsetto voice. Can't do it, even if he is the son of Alan Thicke, which is totally awesome. I love Growing Pains!
Snoop Dogg - Immediate veto. Too skinny and too high. I remember college. High dudes = boooooring.
Big Bird - Not an actual human, but might be kind of hot.

None of these really worked for me, so I'm gonna go ahead a stick to my main man. Oh Bear, if only I could sandwich you in real life and not in my dirty daydreams, we could be so happy.