Late Night McMuffin

I am a bit of a night owl. No, I'm a vampire. Those night time beings are way sexier. In reality though, I'm like a raccoon. I've always got dark rings around my eyes and you'll often find me digging through trash. Do not judge. In any case, I really enjoy my late night television, and since it's been shaken up as of late, I think I'd like to cook up a Late Night McMuffin featuring my muffin top and a few of my fave late night hosts.

First off, I'd like to make the man that has always charmed my heart and made me want to nuzzle his neck the egg in my McMuffin of man. I speak of newly appointed Tonight Show host Sir Conan O'Brien.



I've loved Conan for so many years now. He's like my favorite pair of shoes. They're not necessarily the prettiest, but they make me so very happy and just feel right. Everytime I watch anything he does, I cackle like an old witch except not gross and scary sounding. He's just so lovely and smart. Who wouldn't want to bite into that? Also, I am extremely curious as to how he gets his hair that way, and methinks rubbing up on him manwich style is the only way I'll ever find out. Simply asking isn't as fun.

Now, bringing the sexy as the ham in my McManffin (?) is the host who makes me pant. Seriously, if I ever saw him on the street, merrily going about his business, I would totally drop whatever I was holding, hot dog, orphan baby, Bible signed by Jesus himself, etc., and slap myself in the face. I am in love with Jon Stewart.



No, really, I LOVE him. I love for the man he is and the man he wants to be. I hope the man he wants to be is my husband. We could register at a comic book store and make our parents buy us Asian manga erotica and laugh ourselves silly. I want to make him coffee in the morning, then have an intelligent political discussion in a way where we both get heated up but still interject funny jokes to remind each other that we still think the other is adorable. After that, he'd let me lick his grey hair like a kitten, and I'd be happy forever. A perfect morning. And after seeing his verbal ass whooping of douchebag Jim Cramer, I'm guessing the afternoon would get real saucy. Mmm pretendjonstewartlovesessionofdeliciousgoodtime.

Though he's a newbie on the late night circuit, I'd like to butter myself with Jimmy Fallon.



He used to annoy me on SNL because he'd always break character, but he's very cute and I'm guessing supple as a young buck. Also, I find guys with slight speech impediments kind of adorable. Seriously, a stutter makes me flutter. I'm a rapper.